Trying really hard to postpone goodbyes. Wrapping your goodbyes this morning was obviously more than I could manage. And I keep telling myself that it's not really goodbye, it's just see you later but who am I trying to kid. I've done the math and I know myself. Riding my bike in the heat and the sun and later the night and the cold and the dark. More than once, physical exhaustion should black out the pain, the real pain. Because of all people, I am the one who's not going to wish you anything, who's not going to hug you when you leave, who's not going to show any pain, who's not going to cry. And I am one of the ones that should, but I won't. Because it's not enough, for me it's not enough. You know I'll miss you and in a way, you'll miss me too. Saying it won't make it more real or less painful. And I won't promiss I'll keep in touch but I'll do my best. Today, I ride my bike and goof around, because that is how I handle days like this one. And if I make you laugh, then it's mission accomplished, although remembering you happy hurts as well.
So, what the hell do I want? Why am I writing this? I shouldn't because I know it will hurt us all.
But I will meet you in half an hour and I will seem ok but I won't be and I promissed I would always be honest.
I am sorry and I will miss you like hell,
hugs,
your furry friend.
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